Bedside Manner

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Bedside Manner

Postby anthonyz on October 3rd, 2012, 3:26 am

Dear Uncle Tom,

They say that Doctors make the worst patients. In your autobiography you mentioned that you once worked as a nurse in the army. I was wondering, when you succumb to man-flu, are you a good patient or do Sue, Poppy, Larry and the cats all run away?!

Best of health,

Anthony
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Re: Bedside Manner

Postby Tom Baker on November 14th, 2012, 2:40 pm

Antony, I don't succumb to man flu.

When ill I try to be cheerful and am always grateful, eloquently so. It is a strategy that NEVER fails. I once nursed an ungrateful patient and was so unhappy I longed for death to get away from Him. I did once in my army medical days have an ungrateful patient with a dangerous heart condition; are you with me? Anyway, to get to the crux; he needed a bedpan urgently, and anticipating this frequent request, I left the stainless steel receptacle heating up in the hottest part of the sluice. Still there? Right, as as the bell rang and the red light flashed I was in with the pan, the heavy towel protecting my hand from the terrific heat.There was no malice in me, I promise. In one easy movement I lifted the ugly old ingrate up and popped his pink **** onto the very hot metal. Never had I felt such passion from a patient before. As his **** sizzled he flung his arms around my neck and pressed his hairy top lip into my jugular vein. Lawks, what a fuss! When your turn comes, Antony, and it may well be sooner than you think, don't make fuss.

Tom
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