Alright, Baker, I'll make this simple and easy. I've had my suspicions for quite some time, now, and I cannot see how you can deny them. It is my strong opinion that you are a witch. Not just mischievous or cunning... but a full on, full time, unending, immortal, evil servant of Satan, himself.
I was quite cross with you when I discovered this. I went into shock, you might say. I mean, how would you feel if your favourite Doctor Who turned out to be a demon of doom from the Dawn of Time? The rug was pulled from my feet. You own a cat, a horse, a broom, you're friends with Louise Jameson... the clothes you wear; it all pointed me in the obvious direction: you are a demon from Hell. Poor guy, I thought.
There are three options: one, you are a witch, you come clean and offer yourself up for forgiveness and exorcism, two, you are a witch, pretend you aren't a witch and go on to spred Evil, Chaos and sickness from Hell for all eternity or, three, you aren't a witch and I'm mistaken.
Now, I want a clear answer out of you, Tom. Are you a witch?
PS - I'd offer you a free exorcism for your house, too, you know, you being a childhood hero of mine and all. And free sheep sacrifices on Thursday, too.